There Is No Such Thing As a Painless Lesson.

Happy birthday.
Happy birthday to the girl I love; the girl I’ve adored for 2 years. You’re the most caring and amazing person I’ve ever met, and it honestly kills me to think of you being with anyone else. I’ve made some stupid decisions in the past few weeks, so many I wish I could take back. I wish I had never let those words leave my lying tongue. I never wanted to hurt you, it’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. My birthday is in 5 days, and it’s going to be more sad than most if the days I’ve been having recently. The only thing I want to do on my birthday is see you. I haven’t decided if I’m going to ask you to hang out, but I really want to. It would break up some of the monotonous misery I’ve been enduring, and I need that. I have no one around me who cares enough to really talk to me, and no one even wants to hang out with me specifically. So here I am, going home at 1:30 because I have nothing better to do. I miss you so fucking much, and I wish I could tell you this and have everything be as it was, but I know I have to do so much before you can trust me enough for that. It all just sucks. I’m not upset because he’s there or because I wasn’t invited, I’m fucking depressed that I fucked things up so that you didn’t want me there. I just hate it. I love you with all of my heart, and I’m going to do my best to show you that I can try and that being with you is the most important thing to me. Well, behind your happiness. I’d say I’d much rather you be happy with someone else, than be miserable with me.Happy Birthday, Breanne. You deserve it.